Gaara's First Love
by T'Liana
Summary: The love between children is the purest and sweetest kind, capable of reaching the coldest hearts. This is the story of Gaara and Koyoi, two young children living and loving in a cruel world. Unfortunately, not all stories have happy endings.


A sad ditty that came to me when watching the Chuunin Exam Arc. What if someone loved Gaara before he went crazy? What if losing that love caused him to fall deeper into darkness? Tissue warning.

Chichi - father

Hahaoya - mother

o.O.o

 **Gaara's First Love**

Gaara no Sabaku lay on his bed, staring aimlessly at the ceiling. He'd memorised every crack and crevice a long time ago, during a time where he either did nothing or killed. There was one particular mark that looked like the kanji for death, and another that reminded him of his sister's fan.

After the failed invasion, Temari and Kankuro had taken their injured brother back to Sunagakure to recover. He'd been laid on his bed and left to his own devices. The gourd rested at the foot of the bed, cork unscrewed in case of another attempted assassination. Lord knows, Gaara's chichi would be quick to kill his son after the embarrassment they'd suffered. Gaara couldn't care less. His mind revolved entirely around the blonde demon who'd defeated him: Naruto Uzumaki.

There was another like him, but this one had chosen love and light over Gaara's purely selfish path. Naruto knew love and had escaped the darkness, while Gaara was fated to drown in it.

Unless he changed his path.

How? Gaara didn't have anyone who loved him and he wasn't ready to reach out to people. Besides, he had a demon inside him that would scare people away, like it always did. Did he want to change his path? Did he want to be like Naruto? Did he want to foster relationships? No one had ever loved him so why should he care for them?

Wait, that wasn't true. A memory surfaced, unwanted, from within the locked recesses of Gaara's mind. He saw a shock of red hair and a gap-toothed grin. He felt something strange in his stomach and there was an insane urge to vomit.

After seven years he still hadn't forgotten. He'd tried. He'd really tried. Remembering her caused such pain and he hated it, so he forgot. But now, after his confrontation with the blonde ninja, the pain was less. Limbs moving of their own accord, Gaara stood for the first time in days. He walked to the closet and knelt down, resting his hands on the only box inside. Should he open it? Did he want to remember? Did he want to recall what love felt like?

Breathing deeply to quell his racing heart, Gaara opened the box.

o.O.o

The boy ran up the street happily, a plan in his mind. He clutched the bag against his chest like a lifeline, panting in time to his footsteps. When he delivered the bag everything would be okay. He'd be forgiven.

Approaching the house, the boy slowed and took a moment to straighten his shirt before walking up to the door. He knocked and stood back, listening to pattering footsteps on their way to the door. A girl answered, bandages on her face, and she glared at the boy.

"What do you want?" she snapped.

He held up the bag and beamed. "I'm sorry for hurting you earlier, so I brought some medicine. You can have it if you want."

She snorted and slammed the door shut in his face. The smile dropped from his face and the bag fell from his limp fingers. He didn't understand. Why was she so mean?

He heard another voice inside. "Who was that?"

The mean girl replied. "That was Gaara, the demon."

"He didn't look like a demon. He looked like a boy."

"Chichi! Koyoi thinks Gaara is a boy!"

An angry male voice joined theirs. "He is a demon Koyoi and do _not_ talk to him. Go to your room!"

"But-"

"GO!"

Stomping footsteps made their way through the house and Gaara turned away from the door, walking numbly away. That girl had been so mean, but the other wasn't. The nice girl had been sent to her room. Why were adults so horrible?

"Hey, Gaara, psst!"

He spun around and green eyes rested on the house behind him. A girl was standing in a window, waving to him in the moonlight. He looked around in confusion before moving hesitantly towards the house again.

"Are you talking to me?" he called quietly.

"Hai! Come here." She waved madly and he approached the window. "Climb in."

"But I…"

"I just want to say sorry. My sister shouldn't be so mean." A pout appeared on her face and Gaara caved, proceeding to climb through her window. He shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. Someone was actually _talking_ to him without glaring.

Her room was tiny with a mattress on the floor and two reed bags against the opposite wall. The girl sat cross-legged on her bed and patted the space in front of her. Gaara sat.

"Hi!" she whispered cheerfully. "I'm Koyoi Hakanashi and I'm five! You're Gaara."

"Hai. I am five too."

"I'm sorry about my chichi and sister. They're really mean. Why do they hate you?"

"I hurt your sister today by accident. I just wanted to play with them."

"You don't want to play with her. She's a mean bully. Her friends are only nice to me because she'll hurt them otherwise. I don't have any real friends."

"People avoid me. I don't have any friends either."

Koyoi brightened. "We can be friends! Do you want to be friends?"

"That would be nice." Gaara smiled. Koyoi grinned like a maniac and stood, dancing erratically for a few moments. Gaara didn't understand the dance but it looked fun. She plonked down on her bed and giggled.

"Do you need to go home?" she asked.

"No. I can stay if you want."

"That would be awesome! We can talk and tell jokes and stories!"

Gaara had to admit that having Koyoi to talk to was a new experience that he wanted to have always. It was nice to have someone look at him with kindness instead of fear. He'd only ever known kindness from Yashamaru and Koyoi was like him in her open manner. Why couldn't everyone else be more like Yashamaru and Koyoi? Especially Koyoi.

They talked for hours about all sorts of things until the girl started nodding off. She was clearly trying to stay awake but was failing miserably. Gaara watched as her eyes slowly closed and her speech trailed off. She toppled onto the mattress and curled into a ball, fast asleep. He stared at her sleeping form, illuminated by the white rays of moonlight. How could someone so sweet want to be friends with an outcast like him? It didn't make sense, but he didn't want it to make sense. He just wanted to have a friend.

Gaara climbed to his feet and swayed unsteadily as the blood rushed to his head. He blinked to clear his gaze and looked down at Koyoi's sleeping form. She looked just as sweet as she did when she was awake. He knelt down and tugged her sheet out from underneath her, drawing it up and over her body. She murmured softly and snuggled into the blanket. Feeling suddenly awkward, Gaara turned and crawled out the window, landing heavily on the sand outside her window. He turned back and smiled at her pale face, hoping that tomorrow she would remember.

o.O.o

Koyoi's sister was a big bully. Gaara had watched the older girl for most of the morning, noting just how different the sisters were in both looks and personality. Koyoi was kind and sweet with red hair, while her sister was loud and mean with brown hair. The mean girl had sent Gaara a foul look and dragged her friends away from the pale boy, leaving him sitting alone at the edge of the city.

"Hey Gaara!"

He spun around at the voice and a huge smile graced his face. Koyoi rushed up to him, panting, and collapsed on the sand beside him. "Hi Koyoi. How was your morning?"

"My chichi made me stay in my room and gave me a huge lecture on how evil you were. I only just escaped." She leant back and sighed, her left hand resting just behind Gaara's knee. "I don't get adults. I talked to you all night and I don't think you're evil. You're really nice."

"So are you." Gaara blushed and looked out at the desert that stretched before him. "I've never been out there before. My uncle Yashamaru says it's dangerous."

"It's only dangerous in the middle of the day."

"But it's the middle of the day."

"Exactly. That's why we're going at dusk."

Gaara was confused. "We're going into the desert?"

"Not for long! Maybe an hour at most. I just want to play with you and my chichi won't be checking up on me until dinner."

"What about your hahaoya?"

"She's a shinobi and she works away. She's on a mission right now. Did I tell you last night?"

"No. We talked about food mostly. You love noodles and rice balls."

"And you love sushi, even though it's hard to get out here." She wriggled on the ground and brushed sand from her skirt. "Do you play ball?"

He blushed deeper and looked at the ground. "I… don't know how. I've never had someone to play with."

"Well now you do! Come on! I know a place." She stood and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together before dragging him through the near-deserted streets of Suna. At midday it was always bare as most people stayed inside to escape the intense heat. Koyoi had to be crazy to want to play when the sun was at its worst. Then again, anyone who wanted to be friends with him was definitely crazy. Gaara decided that he liked crazy.

"Where are we going?" He couldn't help but ask, even though she probably wouldn't tell him.

"You'll see. It's undercover so we don't have to worry about getting burnt." She looked back at him and grinned. "You're pale too so you know what it's like to get burnt easily." She slowed to a walk, allowing Gaara to come level with her, and they strolled up the street holding hands. Gaara pulled his hood up, suddenly self-conscious, and looked over at Koyoi. She was smiling cheerfully as if she owned the world. Their eyes met and she blushed. "We're almost there. You don't need to put up the hood."

"I like the hood," he lied. "It shades me from the sun."

"Well here we are," she announced. Gaara looked forward and saw that they'd arrived at their destination: one of the less-used parks around the city. It had a small undercover area with goals opposite one another. A few stray balls littered the ground and Koyoi rushed forward, scooping up the nearest one. Gaara's hand tingled from the loss of contact and he joined her, sighing as the heat lessened once he entered the shadows.

"How do we play?" He fidgeted nervously, staring at the ground.

"I'll show you. Now you can play defender and I'll play scorer. I'm going to get the ball across the ground and try to score through the goal and you're going to try and stop me." She dropped the ball on the ground and moved into position. "You kick with the inside of your foot, like this." The ball shot over to him and he stopped it awkwardly, unaccustomed to the movement. They both laughed and Gaara picked up the ball and threw it back. Koyoi caught it with ease and dropped it again.

"We might need to practice a bit more."

"Well we've got all day," she shrugged, "and we're heading out at dusk. There's plenty of time for you to learn. Gaara, you don't actually touch the ball with your hands. Kick it back this time."

o.O.o

As dusk rolled along, Koyoi led Gaara to the outskirts of the city. They had to be careful because more people were out now and Koyoi didn't want to be seen, otherwise her chichi would get mad.

Finally exiting the city, the two children grasped hands and ran into the desert, flushed and panting. They searched for an ideal out-of-the-way place where no one would find them, otherwise they'd be in big trouble.

"Stop here," he panted, tightening his grip. They stopped at the top of a dust bowl and walked down carefully, reaching the bottom without incident.

"We're out of the city," she grinned, letting go of him and dancing wildly. Gaara giggled and joined in, jumping up and down excitedly. He'd never left the city before. Yashamaru would freak if he found out.

"Um, Koyoi…"

She stopped and looked at him, tilting her head. Red hair fell across her face and she pushed it aside. "Yeah Gaara?"

"I like being friends with you." He turned his head and blushed. "Can we make a sandcastle?"

"Sure!" She bounded over and knelt in front of him, proceeding to draw a square in the sand. "This is how wide the castle will be. We should make it as tall as possible." She pouted. "If we had water we could make a big moat, but I forgot water. We shouldn't stay too long then. My chichi says that if we don't drink water we won't be able to go to the toilet."

"I've never had that problem before." Gaara began to heap sand in front of him, ignoring the heat of the top layer. Once he got past the surface it would get cooler. "When do you normally have dinner?"

"Normally we eat an hour after dusk. We have some time." She smiled cheerfully and blushed as their hands brushed. Gaara didn't understand the feeling of warmth that was emanating from him. He'd never felt anything like it before.

They made a really big sandcastle that was taller than both of them, though they were very small so it was no difficult feat. Stepping back to admire their work, Koyoi grabbed Gaara's hand and stood close. It was wonderful to be this close to someone.

"We should be heading back," he said softly.

"Can I come over after dinner?" she asked, turning to face him. "I can sneak out. My house is boring anyway and having a sleepover with you will be fun!"

Gaara grinned and took her other hand. "I'd like to! Although I don't really sleep. My uncle won't mind if someone comes over."

Koyoi giggled and hugged him. "Okay. Let's go! You might have to show me where you live before I go to dinner."

"I will."

Holding hands, they ran back towards the darkened city and separated outside Gaara's house.

o.O.o

"Are you okay? You seem unusually anxious tonight." Yashamaru tilted his head at the red-haired boy.

Gaara jumped from his chair and ran to the window, standing up on tip-toes. "I don't want to say anything in case I jinx it."

The older man pressed his finger to his chin and watched the agitated boy. They were currently in the living room of Gaara's three-roomed house that the Kazekage had bought so his son would stay away from the rest of the family. It was in a very quiet neighbourhood, as most of the surrounding occupants had left as soon as the boy appeared. Gaara couldn't understand why.

"Well if I'm not needed…" Yashamaru stood slowly.

"No! It's not that!" Gaara pushed away from the window. "I just…"

"It's alright. I'll leave you for the night. Make sure you lock up once I'm gone." Smiling, his uncle waved and left the house. Gaara watched him go then ran back to the window, pressing his nose against it. Koyoi had to arrive. She _had_ to. She'd promised.

There she was, running up the street with her hair flying out behind her. She went right past Yashamaru and barged right through the front door, enveloping Gaara in a huge hug.

"I only just managed to escape!" she panted. "Chichi took a little convincing to let me go to bed early." They parted and grinned at each other.

Yashamaru came back in through the open door. "Gaara, who's your friend?"

"Oh, uncle, this is my friend Koyoi Hakanashi. Koyoi, this is my uncle Yashamaru."

"So this is why you were so fidgety." Yashamaru nodded.

Koyoi bowed suddenly. "Yashamaru-sama, please don't tell my chichi that I was here. He doesn't want me to be friends with Gaara."

"I wouldn't dream of it," he assured her. "It's nice to know that my nephew has a friend. Well, I'll be off. Good night, and don't stay up too late." This time he locked the door behind him. On the other side of the door, Yashamaru smiled. "The love between children is the purest kind of love…" he murmured.

Gaara grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the kitchen area. "I made some tea and I know you like it." He took hold of the pot and poured a small cup, handing it to his friend. She sipped slowly and licked her lips.

"It's delicious!" She grinned. "And it's jasmine! My favourite! You really were paying attention yesterday."

"Of course I was. We're friends." Gaara poured his own tea and they sat cross-legged on his couch. "I'm sorry that I don't have a lot of toys. I have a teddy that my hahaoya gave me when I was a baby, but other than that…"

"It's okay. I brought marbles." Koyoi pulled a small sack from her pocket and untied it, sending marbles cascading onto the floor. "When we finish our tea I'll show you how to play!"

"I must not know how to play lots of games," Gaara sighed. He sipped his warm tea slowly.

"You probably know games that I don't! And you knew how to build a sandcastle and now you know how to play ball. There's so much to know and not enough time to learn it all." She put down her tea and faced Gaara, eyes alight with excitement. "We should try learn all we can, together. It's so much fun making discoveries with someone else! What do you think?"

He finished his own tea. "It sounds wonderful! We'd have to be grown up first. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Adults are so mean and I don't want to be mean."

"Whatever happens, we'll still be friends," she said earnestly. "And we won't be mean adults. We'll be the nicest people! And we'll still have sleepovers and play games and drink tea." She sighed. "That would be the best."

"You need to finish your tea," Gaara giggled. "It's going cold."

"Oh, right!" Koyoi grabbed the cup and gulped it down, wiping her mouth appreciatively. "Now let's play marbles." They slid off the couch and sat cross-legged on the floor, gathering up all the marbles. "There's a really big one that we put on the floor away from us. Then we have to try and roll the other marbles towards it and see who gets the closest! You're not allowed to hit the big one or it doesn't count."

"It sounds hard," he moaned, worrying a marble between his finger and thumb. Koyoi placed the big marble across the room and sat back down beside him, selecting a smaller one from the pile in front of them. Gaara furrowed his brow and rolled his marble gently, his frown deepening as it only moved a few centimetres away.

"You're gonna need practice," she informed him. "It takes a _lot_ of practice to get it right. Even I haven't mastered it yet." She rolled her own marble along, giggling as it surpassed the marble and hit the wall opposite. "That was too much and yours was too little. We need to find the perfect balance."

"And we have plenty of time to practice."

"That's right. Come on Gaara! We can do this!"

They played for a solid hour, smiling and giggling at each failure. Then they collected up the marbles and declared that they were both winners. Koyoi placed the bag on the table and yawned tiredly.

"Do you need to sleep?" Gaara asked softly.

"I think so. We had a big day." She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands. "Can I sleepover? In the morning I can just tell my chichi that I left home early. He won't care."

"Okay. My room's this way." Gaara led her to one of the two hanging curtains across the room and pushed it aside to enter. "It's not much, but I don't really use it."

"That's okay. It's nicer than mine." Koyoi ran to the bed and jumped on it, cuddling the teddy that rested against the pillow. "Is he yours?"

"Hai, he's my favourite toy." He climbed onto the bed too and pushed the sheet back.

"Can you stay with me?"

"I need to turn the lamps off, but I'll come back. Tuck yourself in."

He moved back to the living room and kitchen area and turned off all the lamps one-by-one, the room becoming darker as each one was switched off. When that was done, he returned to his bedroom and switched off the lamp on his bedside table. Koyoi touched his arm and he climbed into bed with her, squishing in as it was a bed designed for one person.

"This is the best sleepover ever," Koyoi whispered into the darkness. She curled up against his arm and he stared at the ceiling, smiling into the darkness.

o.O.o

For two more days they played together constantly. Koyoi taught Gaara how to play games like hide-and-seek and he tried to teach her shogi. Unfortunately Koyoi didn't have a lot of patience for thinking games and decided to line up all the shogi pieces and knock them down like dominoes.

On the second evening they were out in the desert again, holding hands and walking among a small collection of bushes.

"My hahaoya is coming back from her mission tomorrow," Koyoi sighed. "She won't like our friendship either and she's a lot smarter than my chichi. She'd know if I snuck out."

"Why does she have to come back?" Gaara moaned. "I like spending time with you."

Koyoi dropped his hand and knelt down, peering into one of the bushes. "Gaara, come look at this. There's a desert lotus inside. It's my favourite flower."

He crouched down and peered into the bush too, immediately spotting the green flower with hard, thick petals. It couldn't even be classed as a flower. He reached in and dug his fingers underneath it, ripping it away from the ground. They stood up and smiled. "This is for you," he declared, handing it over.

She took it in trembling hands and smiled wider. "Gaara, I love you!" Without warning, she dropped the flower and threw her arms around his neck, kissing the surprised boy. He froze at the softness of her lips and hesitantly tried to kiss back, but he didn't know how. She pulled back, flushed.

"Um…" he rasped.

"That's what adults do when they love each other," she told him.

"You love me?"

"Of course I do! You're my best friend!"

Yashamaru told him that the only way to cure a wound of the heart was with love. Was that the strange feeling that had been plaguing him for days? It must be. _Love_. It felt so good.

He felt his face redden. "Can I try kissing you?"

"Yay, you love me!" She nodded and smiled. Gaara leant in and kissed her lightly, thinking back to when he'd seen adults kiss. Koyoi was right; only adults who loved each other kissed. To have someone love him… it was the best feeling.

He broke off the kiss and smiled. "I do love you Koyoi. We should get married when we grow up."

"That sounds fun!" She glanced at the disappearing sun. "I should get home now. Hahaoya will be home. I'll come see you tomorrow during the day, and when it gets dark come and sneak into my room. We can still talk then."

"Okay." They hugged tightly and Koyoi turned and rushed away, waving farewell. Gaara waved back and watched until she disappeared in the direction of the city. He looked down and saw the desert lotus laying where she'd dropped it. Figuring that he'd return it to her tomorrow, he dusted it off and tucked it in his shirt to protect it.

Someone loved him. He loved someone. That was how to cure a wound to the heart.

o.O.o

Gaara had waited in his home all day for Koyoi to appear. The desert lotus was on his kitchen bench so she could see it as soon as she walked in the door, but she hadn't walked through said door. Night had fallen and she still hadn't come. She probably hadn't been able to get away from her parents. Gaara waited another hour after dark, to give her family time to eat dinner, before grabbing the desert lotus and heading out for Koyoi's house.

He found it quickly and saw that another person was entering. Gaara avoided the door and crouched under Koyoi's window, listening for voices. He did hear voices, which unnerved him, so he listened to their words.

"Thank you for coming doctor."

"It's no trouble. How old is the patient?"

"She's five. I don't know what's wrong."

"Where would she have been?"

"I don't know. She's been out of the house a lot recently and my wife thinks she might have been sneaking out."

"Hm, I have seen her talking with that demon boy a few times in the last few days."

"You're saying that she's been sneaking out to talk to _the demon_?"

"That's very likely. Now when did you last see her before she was found?"

"It was around mid-afternoon and she left the house sometime after that. She came back saying that she felt sick so we made her lie down. When we came to get her for dinner we found her like this. Honey… do you think she was hurt while going to that _things_ house?"

"That wicked _demon_ better not be involved. If he is, I'm going to talk to the Kazekage at once. Doctor, how bad does it look?"

There was a very long pause. "It was a horned viper."

"NO!"

"I'm sorry… there's nothing I can do except for give her some painkillers. The venom has already started shutting down her organs. If you'd called me as soon as she was bitten I could have done something, but it's too late now."

A sob escaped from Gaara and he bit his fist, praying that he hadn't been heard. Hands grasped his hair and pulled him bodily into the room, landing beside Koyoi's motionless body. Her chichi, hahaoya and a doctor stared at him with mixtures of shock and rage on their faces.

"YOU KILLED HER!" her chichi screamed. "IT'S YOUR FAULT! IF SHE HADN'T RUN OFF TO SEE YOU THEN SHE'D BE ALIVE! YOU'RE A MONSTER!"

Her hahaoya joined in. "WICKED DEMON! GET OUT! I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THIS!"

Gaara was thrown from the house and landed on the ground outside, his fall cushioned by the sand that protected him physically. It did nothing to protect him against the pain in his heart. He'd seen Koyoi's pale, vein-ridden skin. He'd felt the life slowly slipping from her. Her parents were right. It was his fault that she'd been bitten. He should have insisted that she spend the day with her family and that he'd come by when it was dark. That way she'd still be alive.

He pulled the desert lotus from inside his shirt and stared at it. The flower had lost its previous allure, but this was his only link to Koyoi as her parents wouldn't let him anywhere near the house again. He crouched on the ground, trembling, and stroked the flower with both hands. The sand underneath his feet moved into the air and wrapped around the flower without urging, encasing it in a ball of solid sand. He stared at the ball and felt tears prickle in his throat. The wound in his heart had opened again.

Gaara tucked the ball of sand into his shirt and ran. He ran for the nearest rooftop he could find, consumed by grief, and sat on the very edge, fighting down the tears. Was he really a monster? Was he the one who was responsible for Koyoi's death? He loved that girl. He couldn't have done this.

"Why…?"

The sand rose up behind him, protecting him from the kunai that attacked him from behind. When the next morning came, Gaara lost the only two people in his life that had ever meant something to him: Yashamaru and Koyoi. He placed his heart inside the ball of sand and locked it in there with the desert lotus. Heartbreak would never hurt him again now.

o.O.o

The box was open. A twelve-year-old Gaara stared at the sand inside, a new feeling entering his heart as he picked up the ball. It had seemed so big back then, but now it fit snugly in his hands. As he cradled it in his palms, the ball began to dissolve, pouring down into the old box until a perfectly preserved desert lotus sat in his palms. It was like he'd picked it only yesterday.

He wasn't responsible for Koyoi's death – he knew that now. Her family had left Suna not long after she died and he hadn't heard from them since. They took with them all but one memory Gaara had of his best friend and he hated them for that. He hated everyone.

"Koyoi…" he murmured, bringing the lotus up to his lips. He kissed it softly and bowed his head, recalling everything he'd felt around her. He remembered the fun and excitement, but most of all the love. What he'd said to Naruto wasn't true. Gaara had known love before. He'd loved the one person who had gone against everything she'd been taught. He'd loved the girl that gave her life because she loved him back. Would she be proud of what he'd become? No. They wanted to be the nicest people and be nice to everyone. She said that adults were mean, but he was meaner.

She'd smack him and tell him to get over himself.

Naruto was a lot like her. They didn't give up on Gaara and believed that there was more to him than met the eye. But Koyoi had been dead for seven years and Naruto was alive. Maybe Gaara had a second chance to find someone who saw him as a boy instead of a demon, although no one would ever replace Koyoi.

It wasn't his fault. He had spent years as a monster because he believed it was. Her parents had been unreasonable. Adults were mean.

So he would change his path. He would be more like Naruto and aspire to be the person Koyoi wanted him to be. Maybe they would meet in the next life and have more time together. That would be nice.

He walked over to his window and laid the desert lotus on the sill, staring up at the sky. His eyes closed, and when they opened they were slightly wet.

"I love you Koyoi. I always have and I always will. I won't disappoint you anymore."


End file.
